Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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