eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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