I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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