There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I need moral support for this bender
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
