he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
