operation harelip BJ is a go
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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