If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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