i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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