some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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