it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The police scanner is talking about you again....
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
