Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
