just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
