I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
