I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
