so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
