Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
