and you said cock pushups were impossible
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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