i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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