my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
