you guys were way drunker than both of me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
