is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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