In the future we'll all be gay
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
