I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
