Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
