Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
