we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
