Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
