That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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