Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
