I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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