i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
