The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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