I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
