doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
