haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
