how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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