Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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