It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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