My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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