you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
