Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
