Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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