can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
