what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
