I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Girls should come with a carfax report
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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