Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
