Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
