Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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