I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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