hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
