Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
