I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
