i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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